obviously obsessed.

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i know i just got back...but i am craving it hard.

SURE.

O M B R E'

FINALLY WORKED UP THE GUTS TO GET THIS PUPPY DONE....NOT QUITE SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT...

please excuse the random hanging wet suit.....ha {creepy}

thanks britty. it's pretty sicky.

<<<.O N E    D A Y.>>>

IT FEELS GREAT TO BE BACK INTO THE WHOLE RUNNING EVERY MORNING THING. I USED TO RUN EVERY NIGHT, BUT NOW THAT SUMMER IS HERE I THINK MORNINGS WILL BE A GOOD THING TO START MY DAY OFF.

I GET MY PATRIARCHAL BLESSING SO SOON...I CANNOT WAIT. I HAVE BEEN WANTING IT FOR SO LONG.

FINALLY.

I TOOK LOLA TO THE PARK AFTER MY RUN AND WAS JUST WALKING WITH HER TALKING TO HER, LISTENING TO HER. WE WALKED PAST A BUSH WITH PURPLE FLOWERS ON IT AND SHE STARTED TO SING THE PRIMARY SONG "WHENEVER I HEAR THE SONG OF A BIRD, OR WALK BY A LILAC TREE...." WE STARTED SINGING IT TOGETHER AND I JUST STARTED CRYING.

ONE DAY.

ONE DAY, I WILL HAVE LITTLE KIDS OF MY OWN.

ONE DAY, I WILL BE SINGING CHURCH SONGS WITH THEM.

ONE DAY, I WILL BE MY KIDS BIGGEST ROLE MODEL. 

ONE DAY, I WILL FEEL AN INDESCRIBABLE LOVE FOR MY KIDS.

ONE DAY, I WILL BE A MOTHER.

I HONESTLY CANNOT WAIT. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. I HATE THE GIRLS THAT WILL MAKE THEM FEEL INSECURE. THE BOYS THAT WILL BEAT UP ON THEM. THE BOYFRIENDS THAT MESS WITH MY DAUGHTERS FEELINGS. AND THE GIRLFRIENDS THAT DON'T UNDERSTAND MY SONS. I CANNOT WAIT TO MEET THEM. AND I HOPE THEY LOVE ME JUST AS MUCH AS I WILL.

.C A L I F O R N I A.

landed in LA around 11 am this morning. brittany and the girls picked us up from the airport. they are so cute i freaking love them :) we went and got some lunch and now i'm about ready to take a little napper i'm so beat....

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{C A N N O T  W A I T}

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WATCH OUT CALIFORNIA. HERE. WE. COME.

WOW. cannot get enough of this boy.....

as Troy was watching natalie and i pack for cali, the conversation goes as follows:

*click*

natalie-- what'd you just take a picture of?

me-- my ring.....

natalie-- your gay promise ring? 

me-- shuuud up.

troy-- hey take some pictures of natalie too so that i don't forget about you guys.

nat and i-- awww sweetest thing!!

natalie-- troy, are you going to call us every night?

me-- and heytell us all through out the day?

troy-- of course! i just hope that we don't get disconnected cause that would be a bunch of bull shiz!

troy, you are my hero bro. i'm about to pack you up in my suitcase and take you along with us! gonna miss you.

▲▲▲▲......I'M GOING BACK TO CALI CALI......▲▲▲▲

I HONESTLY CANNOT WAIT...THIS IS JUST WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW.

I HAVE NEEDED IT FOR A LONG TIME ACTUALLY....I HAVE NOT LEFT THE STATE OF UTAH FOR A SOLID YEAR. DISGUSTING.

THIS WILL BE SO GOOD FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO JUST CLEAR MY HEAD, DO ME FOR A CHANGE AND JUST HAVE SOME FUN. MAYBE MEET SOME NEW PEOPLE, AND JUST HAVE SOME GOOD TIMES WITH MY BEST FRIEND/SISTER NATALIE ANNE.

HERE ARE OUR PLANS FOR THE TRIP:

WHATEVER WE FEEL LIKE DOING.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL OF THE AMAZING FATHERS IN THE WORLD.

INCLUDING MY STUDLY DAD.

SUCHA BABE.

FATHERS DAY DIN DIN WITH MAH SISSY SOULS.

this is my best friend.

.TROY DANIELE TUELLER.

THIS guy has definitely got my back.

wow i am in love with T dawg {troy tueller}. i just got done having a talk with --you know who-- and walked into the house and just kind of fell the the couch grumbling to myself. i didn't think anyone was in the room, until i looked up and troy was sitting on the couch across from me and this was our conversation...

troy-- did he break your heart again?


me-- kind of..


troy-- did he make you cry?


me-- i wanted to.


troy-- i'll take care of it.


me-- you're the best brother in the world.

troy is 9 years old. are you kidding? this boy has got my back.

i love him.

so sweet.

{.long hurr dont curr.}

say goodbye to it.

when i get back from california, these locks will be officially melted whether you like it or not.

admit it, it needs a change. i honestly have not done a thing to my hair {including a trim or used ANY source of heat} for a solid year..my hair is always so wild and cray cray.

after a long day at riverside. hood.

how stupid am i that even though i am the one that is hurt, when i see you cry, and see how sorry you are, and most of all how bad you hurt for hurting me, all i want to do is wipe away my own tears, suck it up, and hold you, kiss you, and tell you that it's okay? that is how much i loved you. your feelings mean more to me than my own no matter the circumstance. i was willing to drop anything for you. no one will ever love you like i can and have loved you.  i hope you know that.

whenever you are feeling discouraged about feeling so dependent on someone else, or the fact that you can't stand being alone, remember this:

god didn't create us to be alone. he made us to find the people in this life that go well with our personalities, and to create friendships and relationships so strong, that they may last through all eternity.

to be able to touch other people lives with kindness and love.

that's why you feel so sad when you are alone. it's natural.

i just want to fucking be loved like i love you!

is it so damn hard?

yup.....in one of THOSE moods.

.enjoy the ride.

want her outfit...so sick.