Tuesday, January 1, 2013


whadda year.......honestly it makes me cry to think about it.

this was the year that i can honestly say changed my life forever. every person that i met and every experience i have had this year has truly helped me become who i am today, and someone that i am actually for once proud and happy to be.

as much as i love to look back on the fun times i've had in the previous years, this one has been tough for me to let go of. it's almost like i don't want it to end...

in the past i was always so ready for new and different.

i remember constantly wishing i were older. wanting to move the H out. wanting to graduate so bad. wanting to be married already and have lil babes. move out with (insert most current boyfriends name) --idiot.... and this year was so different.

i don't know if it's the fact that i'm sitting here writing this and thinking back on the past year and all i can picture is one specific face. always there. and now that person isn't there. my best friend, one of my biggest supporters, someone i adore and love.

today a year ago i was writing my new boyfriend of the short amount of 4 months, all the way from Nicaragua. i remember being so sad that i wasn't able to spend the new years with him, but being so proud of him and so excited to brag about what he was doing to help the people there in need...

time is so flipping crazy....you know how people say, day by day it seems like nothing changes until you look back and see the whole picture and everything is different? i've never experienced that more than now. i can't believe it has been a year and a half since i met landon kade.  a year since i graduated. day by day how close i have gotten with my family....friends and family members that were lost. how many stupid, STUPID mistakes i made, and yet i made it. i seriously made it, and i never thought i would.

i would literally wake up from my sleep crying and in a complete cold sweat freaking out about school, boys, stupid things i did the night before, thinking that i had it "the worst" that i was a freaking screw up...yet everything i went through, i've continued to learn from. and each and every day the reasoning behind why things happen unfold to me.

i've never been closer to my savior. and i know that a lot of the things i went through brought me to this point...so i all that i can do is be grateful for each and every thing that i experienced. 

over the years my new years resolutions have usually consisted of change. mainly leading back to regret.

i'm honestly proud to say that i want nothing more than to continue to learn from the past, to do nothing but try to live every day better than the day before, and to live along the lines of "come what may" and to be content.


bring on the new year.


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