Friday, January 4, 2013

Question #6

Q: "I was just wondering how you got over your ex boyfriend, what did you do to occupy your mind from thinking about him? or any of them?"


i'll be the first to admit it, i am no expert at love. i know the ends of feeling loved, and i know the beginning i showing it to another human. but that is about it.

but at the same time, as complicated as love can sometimes seems, isn't it just as simple as that?

there is no need to complicate your feelings for another human being.

you fall for someone, because they have what you lack. and in some way or another, they complete you.

at some point in a relationship, you become almost as one. you now share opinions, characteristics, and things you would have never found yourself doing before, there you are doing them. all because of this one person.

now, you still are you. and that is very important to remember. you always want your own identity, and you never want to feel so overwhelmed by someone that you can't be yourself. but you'll come to find that things you felt you were missing, are suddenly there. and you start to feel more and more voids being filled surrounding yourself with this person. that is, if it is right.

and although you may have been happy before on your own, that happiness increases, because on the other end, they are experiencing the same thing, voids being filled, gaps closing in, and there is a closeness and a peace and security when you are around each other.

we were created for this. man and woman were made to be together. it is natural.

now not only is this a feeling that is going on, but almost a chemical reaction going on inside the body.

you've heard before, "don't play with another persons feelings."

it's a dangerous game people play. we were made to fall in love. to feel feelings for another human being that could last as long as eternity, feelings like that do not just come and go. it is a change in your mind, as well as your heart. when such feelings are expressed to another human, it's as simple as the butterflies you get when you see that person after a short time apart, the feeling you get when he/she brushes the hair out of your eyes, the glimpse you catch of him/her staring at you, even as simple as the sound of his/her voice. you literally become attached.

now, it is not entirely impossible to let these feelings fade for a person, but it is a lot harder once you become so involved to let go because of the changes that take place inside of you.

alright, so to more specifically answer your question....

TIME. honestly, they say "time heals all wounds..." and i have never been one to fully believe that, or more of want to believe it.

but it is honestly took time apart, time not talking to each other, literal years not being involved with each other to finally accept it. it took a lot of tears, and a lot of honesty with myself. that it wasn't right. that i would be blessed with something better for myself as well as for him. and i was. it works.

it's not easy, by ANY means. it's actually one of the most painful things i have ever been through. i used to say to myself, "i wouldn't wish this feeling upon my worst enemy." and at times i'd wished it were physical pain over emotional, because then at least i would KNOW it would go away at some point.

you will experience regret, hate, love, bitterness, acceptance all at once and you will literally feel like you are going completely insane! haha but eventually, when you look back at your experience with a person as a lesson and you learn to accept it and move on, it all becomes so worth it to you. 

another thing, give yourself time!!!!!!!!!! i could not stress that enough...some of the most pain i went through was rushing into other relationships, physically putting myself out there and feeling like in a way i was cheating on him still because i wasn't over him. never allow yourself to use other people to get over that person. 

they say for every year you are in a relationship with someone, give yourself at least 3 months to yourself, to wind down before you consider moving on.

fill the void with a good book, praying, meditating, finding who YOU are, watching funny and sad movies, crying, greaving. you HAVE to be sensitive to what your body and soul are telling you what you need, because in the long run, that is what is going to help you heal.

you could fake it all day long, kiss 29348729384723 different guys/girls a week after you break up and try to throw it back in their face and think you are over them cause you were able to do that, but you are only hurting yourself. at the end of the day, those strong feelings will be there for the person still, and nothing internally will have been healed, only temporary pleasures which essentially will only hurt you more.

i hope i am not making this sound like an easy process in the slightest bit, because i will say it again and again IT IS NOT EASY. you will dream about this person almost every single night, miss and think about them every single day, and wonder why the heck you aren't with them. but i promise you, the day you learn to be happy again in a healthy, non hateful, revengeful way, is the best day of your life.

just remember, everything happens for a reason, and everything will work out how it is supposed to. whether is it with this person or the next. NEVER do or say anything out of hurt that could essentially ruin that for you.

i almost just said, "in the name of jesus christ amen" because i believe this so much to be true....hahahaha long week!

i hope this answered your question and helped you out a little bit...good luck! and stay strong.

xoxo demi


  1. Amen amen AMEN!!! That was perfect! I literally just cried a little. Love you so gosh dang much!