Saturday, February 16, 2013

ready set go.
i went to a doterra meeting last week with a couple of friends, if you are not aware of what that magic stuff is, get on that level. it seriously is amaze! get familiar.
so anyway, at the meeting they talked a lot about healing your "inner self" and how a lot of problems you may have can tend to be a lot deeper than just physical.

at the end, they tested each of us to let us know what we were lacking both physically, and emotionally. surprise surprise, of course i was lacking one that had to do with not giving myself enough time.

at first it kind of confused me...i could've almost diagnosed myself with the heart break oil, or lack of sleep, or maybe something that clearly said "QUIT EATING LIKE COMPLETE SHIZ AND WORK OUT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD"

as of late, i've felt so selfish. i've felt like i haven't been spending enough time with my family, and friends, asking each sibling how they are doing, i didn't even know that my brother was on the high school basketball team, what kind of sister am i? he hit a 3 point buzzer beater to win against one of their biggest rivals, and i wasn't there to witness it..

dallin tried showing me a picture of him last night and kept saying over and over, "demi, demi, look at this, come here quick, look at this" laughing of course. i turned to him frustrated and said, "dall, i don't have time!!! i have a date! i need to get ready, hold on!!"

what the hell demi? that is not like you at that's when it hit me.

not only am i not spending any time on anyone else, but i have completely forgotten ME.

i truly believe the second you forget to fulfil your needs and make sure you are where you need to be, is the second you forget about the needs of other's a horrible thing to have to admit, but shamefully i am doing so..

as much fun as having a different date every night of the week is, family wanting to hang out, friends wanting to do stuff, work asking me if i want extra hours and who knows where church fits in anymore.....i honestly have never felt less myself in my entire life.

someone asked me last night, tell me who "demi" is. what does she think about? what's running through her head when she isn't talking....

HOLD UP......heart attack! as if i can even think about answering a question like that!!

but then i thought, no, this is good. i sat there and actually thought, i gathered my thoughts for the first time in who knows how long, and i thought about ME. what do i like? what DO i think about..? do i even think anymore? honestly i feel like i act before doing things lately...its so bad.

but it honestly made me realize things which i am so grateful for! i was able to sit there and list off a whole list of things that i seriously have a passion for, things i think about, things i feel about, what i want in life, and things i want to accomplish before i die.

and well, i think i figured it out. i want to do SO  many things. i want to be successful. i want to serve people, i want to go to school, i want to get good at photography, i want to be a wifey and a mum {eeeeee} i want all of these things, and i am not doing anthying to accomplish them!

i'm going on dates every other night, stressing about what to wear, what i'm going to talk about, how i'm going to dodge the kiss, and i'm worrying about EVERYTHING but what i want for myself.

makes sense.

it makes sense why my body would be screaming to give myself time!! even if i just sit here and blog for myself, think, and BREATHE.

i don't even mind that i may be talking to myself right now. it feels good.

and it's something i enjoy for MYSELF. and doing ME for a while, aint gonna be too bad.

xoxo demi 


  1. Look at you though, you're taking out the time to sit down and admit that you're not okay with going 10000 MPH and you're resolving to do something about it. These things take time, but you know atleast the first step of what you need to do. There's nothing better than spending some time alone to figure out who you are and who you want to become. You've got a good head on your shoulders, and I have no doubt that you'll be able to figure it out just fine. I'll be in town this weekend, and seriously, not kidding, you & Alicia & I need to sit down for lunch or something. I love you & am always here. Here's to you, embarking on your journey to self discovery! I've walked the road many times, and some of my favorite memories and lessons come from the quiet moments, spent alone.. Love you. xo

    1. Wow..just saw this! Thanks so much tiff! Always love your insight on things! I would love to go to lunch with you and chit chat! Next time you're in town I better get a call:) love you! Xoxo

    2. Wow..just saw this! Thanks so much tiff! Always love your insight on things! I would love to go to lunch with you and chit chat! Next time you're in town I better get a call:) love you! Xoxo

  2. Well you got skill girl! To be able to have all those things on your hand and still have time to write on your blog. Skeeeell! I wish I could do that