Wednesday, October 24, 2012

dear friend,

remember all of the sleepless nights we both spent holding each other crying about all of those worthless boys? remember all of the LATE night phone calls and texts we'd both receive as a cry for help when we just couldn't do it on our own? remember how hard we laughed in 7th grade, so hard that we got kicked out of our jr. high class? remember the first time we played together in 4th grade? i got grounded for a week because i lost track of time and my mom searched all of Orem, UT for me, and i was no where to be found other than next to you. my partner in crime. the way it's been now for 10 long years.

in 10 years you are the only person that has seen me hurt, laugh, cry, scream etc. as hard as i ever have. you are the only person that honestly has been able to make me feel good about myself when i'm feeling down, laugh when i want to cry, and keep trying when i am just about to give up. you are my other half. you're my sister. if i could ever build up enough hatred in my heart to ever let that half of me go, i'd be getting rid of the biggest part of me. my better half.

i loved waking up to you in the morning when i had cried myself to sleep alone. i loved waking up before the sun had, to walk all 3 miles to your house to cuddle up next to you in your always warm, soft and oh-so-welcoming bed before the dreading hour of 7 am for school. i loved sharing clothes with you and being the one friend that never had to feel weird about asking to borrow certain valuables. i LOVED lending you my things, in which i knew you'd take good care of them. i loved taking the blame for you. i loved all of the many, many adventures we experienced together throughout the years of friendship, and not one has left me --never will.

i love that no one can tell our voices apart. i love that when we haven't seen each other for a month, i can confidently say you still know me better than anyone else. i love that we can talk through our minds, we don't need words. i love that we move the same. i love that we laugh at the same exact things. i love every trip to california and oregon we took together. i love how excited i get to see you and spend time with you knowing that it'll be the best time. and most of all, i love that you are my best friend.

i hate that age and time has come between us. i hate that boys have gotten in the way of our reckless lives  together. i hate it when you call other girls your best friend. i hate that we have gone through experiences individually that have separated us as best friends. i hate when we fight. i hate when we say stupid hurtful things to each other that we know we don't mean. i hate the feeling of someone i love being mad at me. but most of all, i hate that i hurt you.

you are my best friend, my other half, my sister. i don't know what i would have done without you in sticky situations i was always getting myself into, you were always one to bail me out. you haven't always been the most understanding, you haven't always been there for me when i needed you most, and you know what? there were times when i would ask myself, why am i still her friend? you've made me feel worse than anyone else, and i've never felt more betrayed by someone at times. you're personality over rules mine, and sometimes i absolutely hate it! i hate when you prove me wrong, and i hate when you don't take my damn advice and you have to learn the hard way! but you know what? i have done thee exact same things to you. it has been rocky, but that's friendship. experience and learning. respect, love, discipline........abstinence. {never knew Mr. Clintons words would ever come into play one day, and in a setting like this...haha}

 long story short --though already WAY to late. i love you. i miss you. i miss how we used to be, and most of all i am sorry.

lucy may

i love you jill. 

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