Be Still...

Monday, May 14, 2012

it's most definitely one of those days. one of those, sulk and drown in my own self pity kind of days..most of the time i really do try to hold it together. i try to "fake it". and most of all i try to not let what i'm going through affect the people around me.

but hell, today i just don't care. selfish or not, i'm sorry if i come off as a brat. i just really can't find the good in today. it makes me so anxious to think about tomorrow --will it EVER come? to think it's only been 3 days. 3 dreadful days...

a day where you throw your play list on shuffle, and EVERY song that comes on reminds you of him. where the tears just come...you've been fighting them for so long --well, a couple hours at least-- and now it's entirely impossible to control them.

seriously i try to control my thoughts. but everything i do reverts back to him. the hardest part, i want them there. he's all i think about. how could it not be? and i don't mind..

how could i go from caring so much about someone else --more than myself-- and just not talking to, thinking, or being with them? it's impossible.

eye on the prize demi...THAT'S what matters most here. everything will work out. i know that...but it doesn't stop the hurt, the withdrawals, the want, the NEED. day by day....i got this.

“It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.”

― Gordon B. Hinckley

very true...but what if i don't want it to get easier? what if i don't want to get over him? what if i still have a sense of hope that it's meant to be? --stronger than ever...see that's what i'm struggling with.

i have this fear that i'll want it and hold on, and then it won't work out, or it simply just will end up not being what's supposed to happen. or at this point what HE wants...time scares the crap out of me...people change...i guess it shouldn't scare me though. i just need to live life, be happy and let happen what's supposed to happen. "it all works out in the end"

alright i'm going on and on....my mind and heart are both racing a million miles an hour.

that's all for now.

till next time. love, demi.

it girl--jason derulo

a drop in the ocean--ron pope

elizabeth--isaac russell

home--edward sharp

it will rain--bruno mars

in your arms--kina grannis

thinking about you & back--frank ocean

rainbow--colbie caillait

bow chicka wow wow--mike posner

take care--rhianna and drake