Be Still...

WE'RE STARTING FRESH LADIES AND GENTS

SO...I WAS THINKING OF JUST DELETING MY ENTIRE BLOG AND STARTING OVER, BUT THEN WHILE I WAS GOING THROUGH ALL OF MY POSTS JUST BARELY I COULDN'T QUITE GET MYSELF TO DO IT..TOO MANY MEMORIES. SO MANY ATTACHED EMOTIONS. IN DUE TIME I SUPPOSE.....

I FEEL LIKE MY BLOG POSTS HAVE BEEN SO DEPRESSING AND BORING LATELY...I APOLOGIZE. AS YOU ALL KNOW, I WRITE FOR ME. TO VENT AND TO GET ALL OF MY FEELINGS OUT. IT'S SORT OF MY WAY OF COPING YOU COULD SAY...

BUT AS THEY DO SAY, "HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE" I MUST SAY I AM GUILTY FOR CHOOSING NOT TO BE HAPPY LATELY....WHICH IS UTTERLY STUPID.

SO I'M PICKING A DAY. I'M PICKING A DAY TO LET ALL OF THIS GO. IT WON'T ALL GO AWAY OVER NIGHT, I KNOW THAT. I WILL STILL BE REPULSED BY THE THOUGHT OF TOUCHING ANOTHER BOY. I WILL STILL CRY WHEN I HEAR OUR SONGS AND EAT AT OUR FAVORITE PLACES. I'LL WONDER WHAT 'COULD HAVE BEEN' THE DIFFERENCE WILL JUST BE THAT I WILL BE HAPPY. I WILL CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. I'LL LEARN TO ACCEPT. I'LL BE ABLE TO CALL YOU MY FRIEND. I WON'T FEEL SO ANXIOUS EVERY DAY. AND I'LL BE ABLE TO MAYBE CONTROL MY MIND THAT RUNS A MILLION MILES AN HOUR ON THE DAILY.

THIS WILL BE GOOD FOR ME. A FRESH START. IT'LL BE HARD AS HELL...BUT WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO? I FEEL PSYCHOTIC STILL FEELING THE WAY I DO. SO THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

STARTING...........NOW.