Be Still...

saying goodbye to someone you love is never easy... but what makes it almost impossible, is letting go of your pride and being as selfless as you can, and loving them enough to let them go anyway, even when things seem completely perfect, because it's what's right. of course it may not be what you want, but what you feel is right, is more important than any momentary need. 

sometimes it's the timing. sometimes is the people. sometimes it's the needed space. and sometimes its the needed proof that what you want, is what's best for the both of you. whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. where there is love there should NEVER be doubt. and whether you say you've felt it, you'll never know exactly what's right until you don't have it in your life any more. you need the realization of what you had. of what you could have. that is when you will truly know what you want. 

time. time is what is needed here...see they say, time heals all wounds. sure no one is wounded --frankly things were perfect, but we all need time to figure ourselves out. to EXPERIENCE what it's like without the person you love. to appreciate what you had. to let your love grow. 'absense makes the heart grow fonder' in time, you will either fall harder, or fall out of love. in all reality given time, you aren't losing anything. if you end up together, the time brought you closer, if you don't, it wasn't meant to be. "If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with..."

easier said than done, TRUST ME i know.....but you know what i realized these passed few days more than anything? that i love another human and care about them, more than i care about myself. and that if i didn't love them like i say, i wouldn't be apart from them right now. and you know what the best part is? i know that he feels the exact same way about me...what a relief! you know what's even better about the whole thing? that this time apart is because of the unconditional love we feel for each other. that one day, when the time is right, we will be together again if fate allows us to be. and if not, we will know that we helped each other become who we are, and we prepared each other to belong to someone else. nothing is lost here. and i think that is the hardest thing for people to understand. even myself at times..

here's my theory. when you love someone and become so attached to a person in every way, especially emotionally, everything that happens, EVERYTHING that happens to them, has an effect on you..when they are sad, you are sad, when they are in trouble, you worry for them, when they feel sick, you feel sick. you literally become ONE. they hold half of who you are inside of them. don't get me wrong, this is a good thing. but at the young fragile age of 18 and already feeling those things for someone, it is either going to lead down the wrong path continuously....or it is going to lead to you hating each other. so do you know what i decided out of love would be best? to leave while we love each other. to leave with every intention to make things last. to hope and pray that this time apart will eventually lead back to each other one day when the time is more practical. hardest thing i have ever done in my life so far? yes. worth it? absolutely. so i do what i need to, in order to prepare myself to be with you again, and you do the same, and we leave the rest up to chance. i love you and i miss you landon kade.

best friend. sweetheart. my boo. your smile. your laugh. your cry. your face. your hands. your hair. your feet. your little teeth. your sweet eyes. your body. del. your car. wendy's. zupas. movies. music. your bike. your insecurities. your jealousies. your hearbeat. your bed. your apartment. your family. zuri. remi. cope. your parents. your siblings. your cousins. j dawgs. shopping. salt lake. cascade park. holding you. you holding me. staring at you. feeling your constant stare. holding your hand. your constant compliments. paying for you. you paying for me. kissing you. calling you mine. holidays. presents. goodmorning/goodnight texts. random phone calls. playing every day. doing everything. doing nothing. talking for days. picking out your outfits. naps. shooting guns. camping. dr pepper. purple. lemonade. talking on the phone for hours. emailing while on vacation. pictures. videos. watching you edit for days. watching your edits. asking for my input on everything. helping me. helping you. needing me. needing you. long car rides. *rings*. dates. dinner. sleepovers. hugs. i <3 you signs. singing at the top of our lungs. church. when you call me demitria. ditching school. farewells. sunday dinners. late nights. early mornings. listening. venting. FB messages. jamba huice. watching you play ball. watching you do anything. hearing you say 'i love you' a million times a day. texts during school. lunch. magleby's burrito. feeling your love every day. never a rude thing coming out of your mouth toward me. gateway. olive garden. people water. otter pops. sleeping in your shirts. your scent. your scruff. baby. babe. cuddling. crying for no reason at all besides the fact that we love each other. the three hand squeeze reminder you do signifying that you love me. singing with you. slow dancing with you. bon iver. hot tubbing. crying when i think of you. missing you. making each other laugh. voice memos. your voice. these things and SO much more i am going to miss about you...may the odds be ever in our favor.

love always, demitria